After Many years of Genetic research the scientists of the Acme Genetic research laboratories have come up with a "Human Snow Blower" soon to be used in snow removal at international Airports during heavy snow storms.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Human Snow Blower
After Many years of Genetic research the scientists of the Acme Genetic research laboratories have come up with a "Human Snow Blower" soon to be used in snow removal at international Airports during heavy snow storms.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Laughter is good for your health
Laughter is good for your health
Dr. Paul McGhee in his publication The Laughter Remedy http://www.laughterremedy.com/says laughter improves your health
1. Muscle Relaxation. Research has shown that muscle relaxation results from a good belly laugh. Try it. Get a good chuckle going for 30 seconds and see how you feel. One study even showed that people using a biofeedback apparatus were able to relax muscles more quickly after watching funny cartoons than after looking at beautiful scenery.
2. Immune System Enhancement. For a long time, we’ve known stress weakens the immune system, but only since the mid-1980s did researchers start to study the impact of humor and laughter on the immune system. The best evidence that humor boosts the immune system comes from studies where immune system measures were taken before and after a humorous event.
3. Reduction of Stress Hormones. When you’re under stress, your body undergoes a series changes, including hormonal ones, which make up the ‘fight or flight’ response. Even though there is no physical threat to your life, your body reacts as if there were. If you’re under this stress day after day this poses a serious threat to your health. Anything that reduces that level of stress hormones in the blood on the regular basis helps reduce this health threat. Research on stress-related hormones and humor has shown that laughter reduces at least four neuroendocrine hormones associated with the stress response, including cortisol, dopac, epinephrine, and growth hormone. So, get to the comedy club once a week to unwind. You’ll be healthier for it
4. Immunoglobulins. Most of the research to date has focused on immunoglobulin A. This is a part of your immune system which serves to protect you against upper respiratory problems, such as colds and the flu. Our saliva contains immunoglobulin A and is often referred to as the body’s first line of defense against upper respiratory viral and bacterial infections. Here is the interesting part: several studies have shown that watching as little as 30 to 60 minutes of a comedy video is enough to increase both salivary IgA and blood levels of IgA. This has been shown for both adults and kids.
5. Cellular Immunity. Several different aspects of the cellular immune system have been shown to be enhanced by watching a comedy video. B cells, which are produced in the bone marrow, are responsible for making the immunoglobulins. If you count the number of these cells in the blood before and after a comedy video, you can see a significant increase in the number of B cells circulating throughout the body. Watching a one-hour comedy also elevates the activity and number of natural killer cells, the number and level of activation of helper-T cells, and the ratio of helper to suppresser T-cells. Natural killer cells have the role of seeking out and destroying tumor cells in the body.
6. Pain Reduction. Dozens of studies have now documented that humor has the power to reduce pain in many patients. In a study of 35 patients in a rehabilitation hospital, 74% agreed with the statement, “Sometimes laughing works as well as a pain pill.” So, why is there a reduction in pain following laughter? One possibility is distraction. Humor draws attention away from the source of discomfort. The most common explanation given, however, is that laughter causes the production of endorphins, one of the body’s natural pain killers. The pain-laughter connection can also be partly attributed to the reduction of muscle tension. Even brief relaxation procedures have been shown to reduce pain, and laughter acts much the same way.
Dr. Paul McGhee in his publication The Laughter Remedy http://www.laughterremedy.com/says laughter improves your health
1. Muscle Relaxation. Research has shown that muscle relaxation results from a good belly laugh. Try it. Get a good chuckle going for 30 seconds and see how you feel. One study even showed that people using a biofeedback apparatus were able to relax muscles more quickly after watching funny cartoons than after looking at beautiful scenery.
2. Immune System Enhancement. For a long time, we’ve known stress weakens the immune system, but only since the mid-1980s did researchers start to study the impact of humor and laughter on the immune system. The best evidence that humor boosts the immune system comes from studies where immune system measures were taken before and after a humorous event.
3. Reduction of Stress Hormones. When you’re under stress, your body undergoes a series changes, including hormonal ones, which make up the ‘fight or flight’ response. Even though there is no physical threat to your life, your body reacts as if there were. If you’re under this stress day after day this poses a serious threat to your health. Anything that reduces that level of stress hormones in the blood on the regular basis helps reduce this health threat. Research on stress-related hormones and humor has shown that laughter reduces at least four neuroendocrine hormones associated with the stress response, including cortisol, dopac, epinephrine, and growth hormone. So, get to the comedy club once a week to unwind. You’ll be healthier for it
4. Immunoglobulins. Most of the research to date has focused on immunoglobulin A. This is a part of your immune system which serves to protect you against upper respiratory problems, such as colds and the flu. Our saliva contains immunoglobulin A and is often referred to as the body’s first line of defense against upper respiratory viral and bacterial infections. Here is the interesting part: several studies have shown that watching as little as 30 to 60 minutes of a comedy video is enough to increase both salivary IgA and blood levels of IgA. This has been shown for both adults and kids.
5. Cellular Immunity. Several different aspects of the cellular immune system have been shown to be enhanced by watching a comedy video. B cells, which are produced in the bone marrow, are responsible for making the immunoglobulins. If you count the number of these cells in the blood before and after a comedy video, you can see a significant increase in the number of B cells circulating throughout the body. Watching a one-hour comedy also elevates the activity and number of natural killer cells, the number and level of activation of helper-T cells, and the ratio of helper to suppresser T-cells. Natural killer cells have the role of seeking out and destroying tumor cells in the body.
6. Pain Reduction. Dozens of studies have now documented that humor has the power to reduce pain in many patients. In a study of 35 patients in a rehabilitation hospital, 74% agreed with the statement, “Sometimes laughing works as well as a pain pill.” So, why is there a reduction in pain following laughter? One possibility is distraction. Humor draws attention away from the source of discomfort. The most common explanation given, however, is that laughter causes the production of endorphins, one of the body’s natural pain killers. The pain-laughter connection can also be partly attributed to the reduction of muscle tension. Even brief relaxation procedures have been shown to reduce pain, and laughter acts much the same way.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Golf
Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled
directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water
parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward
the same water hazard. It landed right in the center of the pond and kind of
hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped
the ball onto the green.
The third guy got up and randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the
fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck
and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close
by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drain spout, out onto the
fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly. Suddenly a very large bullfrog jumped up on a lily pad
and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and
grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog
squealed with fright and dropped the ball, which bounced right into the
cup for a hole in one.
Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your Dad."
directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water
parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward
the same water hazard. It landed right in the center of the pond and kind of
hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped
the ball onto the green.
The third guy got up and randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the
fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck
and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close
by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drain spout, out onto the
fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly. Suddenly a very large bullfrog jumped up on a lily pad
and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and
grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog
squealed with fright and dropped the ball, which bounced right into the
cup for a hole in one.
Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your Dad."
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Jesus Greeting Immigrants.
Jesus Was greeting immigrants as they got off the boat, at Ellis I land saying; Welcome to America!
When an old Italian Gentle man got off the boat and walked up to Jesus and said with broken English; A Sir-a Can-a you-a help-a me-a, to Jesus?
Jesus replied; Why Yes I can help you, you have come to the right person.
The old Gentleman continued; I-a have-a not-a seen-a My-a little-a Boy-a in many-a long-a years, he-a is-a mischievous-a boy-a and-a I-a Have-a many-a concerns-a that –a he-a may-a have-a troubles or may-a be-a even-a dead-a.
Jesus replies; well sir you have come to the right person if he is alive or dead I will know and be able to find him.
The old Gentleman said; o-a thank –a you-a sir-a I-a have-a been-a worried-a so-a long-a, thank-a You-a.
Jesus said; can you tell me what your son looks like so I can help you, find him.
The old gentleman said: he’s-a got-a the same-a color of-a hair-a you-a have and he’s-a got the same-a eyes-a as-a you.
Yes tell me more said Jesus. He’s-a got a holes in-a his-a hands and in-a his-a feet.
To this Jesus says; Father?
In reply the old Gentleman, said Pinocchio My-a son-a Is-a it-a really you?
Please Help Me, I Need a New Body!
I Got this Email years ago and it makes me Laugh- Enjoy
Subject: Won't you help...Please!!
Hello, my name is Billy Evans. I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me because I can't. She is crying. The reason she is so sad
is because I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe. The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody hires crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my
burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.
I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this e-mail to everyone you know. Forward it to people you don't know, too. Dr. Johansensteiner said that for every person you forward this e-mail to, Bill
Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school children all over
They will then come back to earth and go to the Pope. He will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors
could help me get better then. Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball; right now I can only be third base.
Every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take more prayers to the angels and my dream will be closer to coming true.
Please help me! Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10. If you don't forward this e-mail, that's okay. Mommy says you're a mean,
rotten and heartless bastard who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long, slow, horrible death and then burn forever in hell!
What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take five freakin' minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they
can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine year old boy?
Please help me. I try to be happy, but it's hard. I wish I had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty.
I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury its turds in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much!
Thank you, Billy "Smiley" Evans
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