Golf

Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled
directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water
parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.

Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward
the same water hazard. It landed right in the center of the pond and kind of
hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped
the ball onto the green.

The third guy got up and randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the
fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck
and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close
by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drain spout, out onto the
fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly. Suddenly a very large bullfrog jumped up on a lily pad
and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and
grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog
squealed with fright and dropped the ball, which bounced right into the
cup for a hole in one.

Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your Dad."

Jesus Greeting Immigrants.

Jesus Was greeting immigrants as they got off the boat, at Ellis I land saying; Welcome to America!

When an old Italian Gentle man got off the boat and walked up to Jesus and said with broken English; A Sir-a Can-a you-a help-a me-a, to Jesus?

Jesus replied; Why Yes I can help you, you have come to the right person.

The old Gentleman continued; I-a have-a not-a seen-a My-a little-a Boy-a in many-a long-a years, he-a is-a mischievous-a boy-a and-a I-a Have-a many-a concerns-a that –a he-a may-a have-a troubles or may-a be-a even-a dead-a.

Jesus replies; well sir you have come to the right person if he is alive or dead I will know and be able to find him.

The old Gentleman said; o-a thank –a you-a sir-a I-a have-a been-a worried-a so-a long-a, thank-a You-a.

Jesus said; can you tell me what your son looks like so I can help you, find him.

The old gentleman said: he’s-a got-a the same-a color of-a hair-a you-a have and he’s-a got the same-a eyes-a as-a you.

Yes tell me more said Jesus. He’s-a got a holes in-a his-a hands and in-a his-a feet.

To this Jesus says; Father?

In reply the old Gentleman, said Pinocchio My-a son-a Is-a it-a really you?

Please Help Me, I Need a New Body!

I Got this Email years ago and it makes me Laugh- Enjoy

Subject: Won't you help...Please!!


Hello, my name is Billy Evans. I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me because I can't. She is crying. The reason she is so sad
is because I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe. The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody hires crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my
burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.
I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this e-mail to everyone you know. Forward it to people you don't know, too. Dr. Johansensteiner said that for every person you forward this e-mail to, Bill
Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school children all over America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels can hear them better.
They will then come back to earth and go to the Pope. He will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors
could help me get better then. Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball; right now I can only be third base.

Every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take more prayers to the angels and my dream will be closer to coming true.

Please help me! Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10. If you don't forward this e-mail, that's okay. Mommy says you're a mean,
rotten and heartless bastard who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long, slow, horrible death and then burn forever in hell!

What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take five freakin' minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they
can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine year old boy?

Please help me. I try to be happy, but it's hard. I wish I had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty.

I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury its turds in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much!


Thank you, Billy "Smiley" Evans